GAINS and Losses

Well, HELLO!
      I've been a little busy lately with the good and the bad. Therefore, I haven't felt the desire to blog. Here it goes...
What has happened to me lately?
      Someone (no names mentioned but we all know who...cough...cough.) recently spent $60 on an Itunes account using my debit card. Therefore, I had to go fix all of that problem at the bank. In between all of that, said person cussed me out. Then, I got pulled over for speeding on my way back from church. I received a ticket and I have to go to court for my insurance paper. A big mix up since I took someone off of it recently. Let's just say that I cried or more like bawled about it, but not because of the ticket. I know that I probably deserved it.  I cried more because everything keeps happening to me and I keep taking it very personally, like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.  Don't worry though, I'm learning that I can't take everything so seriously.

What have I learned lately?
      I think that I've learned a lot about love. Even though I was married, I still don't know the true meaning of it. How can I? Mine was a lie from the beginning to the middle and sadly the end. Here is what it should be:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-7

      Here's where it went wrong: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. If you never had the truth, then love will delight in evil the whole time. Hmmm....makes sense. It's just a thought that I had about my life. It's like this realization that I can guard my heart again for someone to show me that real love, like God. Just food for thought...

What else have you learned? For those who don't know, I am taking a Divorce care class at my church and I love it. It helps me to be with people who are going through the same emotions and to better understand them with God by our side. I am the youngest one in the class but somehow, I fit right in.  In my class, they have told us that we need to make a list of our losses and gains. Eventually, we will add on to the list and the things that matter now will not matter later on in life. YIPPEE! I've also decided that this class and what I reflect on can be used in a break-up of even a long relationship (non-married). So...I've decided to share my list with all because it makes me more accountable to change. Again, this may be more info than you want to know but, who cares?

Let's start with LOSSES since the good part comes at the end:
* Losing one of my best friends and husband.
* Losing a part of me. You don't just give back what you lost. That part of you is torn.
* Losing my youth and innocence to someone who I thought deserved it.
* Losing that comfort of someone else sleeping by you in bed. (Allison fills that space now.)
* Losing my love for some of my favorite hobbies or things to do since they were things that "we" liked to do.
* Losing the good memories because now, the good ones don't seem so great!
* Losing the desire to cook and clean. I just have to do it because it bugs me. HA!
* Losing some form of an income (oh wait, he never really helped with that one...it's a GAIN!).
* Losing my love and completeness.
* Losing my stinkin' curling iron to a boy! UGH....
* Losing a lot of my clothing. Who wants to wear it after a boy (or should I say girl?) did? Not me!

GAINS!!!!!!!!!! WHOOT WHOOT!
* Gaining a fierce sense of independence and I like it!
* Gain- More money in my bank account....now that someone isn't spending it. I actually get to do fun things with my money that I earn? New concept for me!
* Gain- Being WAY more confident with myself as a woman. YEAH!
* Gain- Getting to spend more time with my friends. I missed them!
* Gain- I don't have to share things anymore. It is all MINE! Ha, ha...kidding.
* Gain- I get to actually learn to love someone someday that I can trust.
* Gain (already knew this one)- Seeing how much everyone and especially my FAMILY loves me.
* Gain- I get to purchase new clothing since someone either wore it or stole it. WHOOT!
* Gain- I get to feel secure and safe again. Some part of me used to feel so paranoid as to what someone may do next to ruin things.
* Gain- I can go anywhere and do anything without worrying about another half.
* Gain- I get to redo my bedroom. Hello black, white, and red!
* Gain- I get to keep my cat and you don't. HA! 
* Gain- More fun with my roommate/sister! We have way more dance parties now...
* MORE TO COME!

    I'm sure that you are all wanting to know more about the CD (crossdresser). Well, I'm not going to say much about him/her this week because I'm trying to move on. However, I just need to clear up something....I totally look better in my swimsuit and my wedding dress. Tori (the CD) looks fat in them! ENOUGH SAID...

I am going to give readers an opportunity to ask questions....don't be afraid to ask anything. Why? Because I'm not afraid to answer anything anymore. How could I? My whole life has been flipped upside down and turned inside out. If you don't see the question right after you type it, it is because I moderate all of my comments. It helps to stray the creepers that don't know me.  Ready, set, GO!