CLEAN!!!!!!

If you are reading this for the first time, it may be best that you go to one of the first blog posts or else, this will all seem quite odd.

       What an interesting couple of weeks! Why haven't you blogged lately? Well....two weeks ago, I went through a really low week but mostly because of a struggle with myself. Last week was great but busy. This week would be a mix of emotions already. Yesterday, I had a low evening. I was just really sad. Sad that I won't have my last name, sad that the person that I loved was not that person (like he had died), sad that the dream of being together forever was gone, and sad that I officially can't blame someone for stinking up my life (ha ha).  Now, I don't feel like it's a Sarah Beth against Travis/Tori game anymore. I'm battling myself these days. I'm struggling with who I want to be now in life, setting new boundaries, establishing my morals, and figuring myself out again. I somehow lost myself to all of this mess. Hello, SB.....where are you?  I have to tell myself anymore that I am the only one who can make the decision to get better (with God of course). I find this true for anyone or anything. You can't sit around and get upset about your situation because you will be stuck in that feeling so sorry for yourself mode forever. You also can't let someone else affect your emotions when they were yours to begin with in life.

   Drum roll please.......As of March 14th, 2011, I am officially divorced and will be receiving my rights back to my maiden name. Although, I will still go by Ms (yes, Miss) Redmond at school because that would be too confusing and people know me by that name at the schools. It's like this piece of toilet paper that is hanging from your pants that you can't get rid of in life. LOL Now, what about all those things that you have been waiting to say or do on your blog for some time now? Maybe. I've moved on now and those "things" don't seem so important now. It's a part of the healing process. I've come a long way in a short time but I'm not done. I just know that I won't ever let myself get to where I was in that point of life. LOW...really low. And in a weird way, I feel like I am able to be more of a help to my friends since I have gone through this situation. I find that people open up to me more and want my opinion. I thank God for that opportunity. He does have sunshine in the midst of a storm. Please, please, please don't think that I am rejoicing over something that is so serious and so sad. I have to in some way enjoy it or else, I would be crying my head off like yesterday. You have to find the positive in the big negative.

     What am I thankful for? I'm thankful for my jobs. I'm thankful for school because it's the one place that I don't have to think about my situation. I can be me and my focus is on children that need me. Plus, it is what I love to do.  I'm thankful for Old Navy for being there for me and for giving me time when I need it. They will never know.....  That being said, please be in prayer that I find a decent paying job to supplement for the fact that I won't have subbing this summer and for me to ultimately get a teacher job. It is my dream and I know that God's timing is coming to me. I've said this before but I feel like my time is coming soon. I just have to pray that it is God's time.

    Maybe next blog, I will post a picture or two so everyone will believe that I'm not making this up. Maybe!?!?!  Hmm..... By the way, what should my celebration cake say? Happy Single Day? Goodbye Tori/ Travis day? You can't be the bride and the groom at the same time with two pictures of him!?!?! Nah....lol

Have a great week everyone!